EXAMPLE TEXT  FROM AUDIO GUIDE
TO  MILAN 07 - DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

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Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II

The mother of all shopping malls. Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II is a huge nineteenth century arcade housing some of the most exclusive stores in the world…… and MacDonald's. Beneath its vaulted glass roof it's wall-to-wall beautiful people. See the quilted jacket that little dog is wearing? It probably cost more than your house.

 If you spot an image of a bull on the mosaic floor grind your heel into its genitals and turn clockwise. Apparently its good luck, and it feels strangely satisfying. The gallery's designer Mengoni could have done with a bit of luck. The day before it opened he accidentally fell off the roof.

San Bernardino alle Ossa

This place is weird. For centuries San Bernardino alle Ossa had been used to store human bones, but in 1642 the tower of the church next door collapsed on top of it.

With the building in need of some serious renovation, a team of frankly rather dodgy interior designers had the bright idea of using the scattered remains as decoration for the chapel. In a frenzy of ghoulish inspiration doors were covered with skulls, and femurs were used to make pretty patterns on the walls.

It's just as well it's a church and not a doctor's waiting room.

Piazza dei Mercanti

Known as the medieval heart of Milan, Piazza dei Mercanti is an oasis of calm among the hustle and bustle. It's where merchants, lawyers and scribes set out their stalls and plied an honest trade - sort of.

Milanese tradesmen were a crafty bunch who knew a thing or two about acoustics. They designed the covered market so that they could tell each other which customers looked like suckers without being overheard.  Stand in one corner and whisper to a friend in another. They'll hear you perfectly. If you're alone murmur "I'm behind you" - and freak out complete strangers. It's hilarious.

Asamkirche 

Some men are happy putting up a shed. The architect and sculptor Egid Quirin Asam wanted his own private church. So he built Asamkirche. He was rich and his brother was a brilliant fresco painter. What could go wrong?

There was an enormous outcry and Asam was forced to allow the public in. Undeterred he bought the house next door and peered grumpily at the congregation through a connecting window.Inside it's an over-the-top rococo riot, with perspective-defying ceilings and a glass sarcophagus containing St John Nepomuk's wax corpse - which cheers up the high-altar no end

Deutsches Jagd-Und Fischereimuseum

Ah, to be a woodsman, living off the land, communing with nature's creatures - then killing them for fun.

With bronze statues of a wild boar and a rampant catfish at the door, the German Hunting And Fishing Museum houses the world's largest collection of field sports equipment. Stuffed fauna on display includes a North American grizzly bear. But you can also see The Wolpertinger, a mythical hare with horns and wings which unscrupulous hunters used to create by sticking a few leftovers on a dead bunny.

For kids it's a fascinating look at nature up-close, and a salutary lesson in the value of conservation.